Who Cares if She's Dumb?

Who can deny the near-perfection of this beauty? While her contemporaries wallow in tackiness, Jessica Simpson continues to display a classic beauty that other pretenders can only wish for. Though she may not be the brightest bulb (remember the "Chicken of the Sea" incident...) I can only say, Who cares? She's an amazing package: buxom, blonde, perfect teeth (er...fangs), eyes, and without that starved elfin waif look to which so many women freakishly aspire. Once a Christian songstress, someone obviously made her see the light and transformed her into something that makes better use of her assets. I decided to do the same.

Still Waters Run Deep

Vampire women have extraordinary abilities beyond their mesmerizing beauty. Take Katie Holmes, for example. Who would have thought the cherub-faced girl-next-door from "Dawson's Creek" would become a glamour goddess, or even a shape-shifting vampire for that matter? Here we get an idea of the free-flying huntress she can become as she shows us a flippy 'do and a flippant view of her bat ear.

I like Katie exactly because of her subdued girl-next-door looks. Besides only recently showing her abilities as a credible film actress she's also getting better looking as she "grows up". Look for her to improve even more: unlike many of today's flash-in-the-pans she'll be around for a while.

Sex and the Single Vampiress

I used to enjoy HBO's "Sex and the City"; good writing, funny, and existing in a fantasy Manhattan not too unlike the real one for single, attractive, horny young women.

One of whom was the underrated Kristin Davis. She was perfectly cast as sweet, virginal-looking socialite Charlotte York. (I loved it when she wore those white pearls.)

If you contrast Kristin with co-star Kim Cattrall (before she hit the proverbial wall) we see where a nice set of fangs and a happy, smiling face almost always trump the trollop. Well...most times, anyway. It's unfortunate that trashy trollop Kim was the one to actually appear in a vampire movie herself, while the closest Kristin got was a cutie alien in 1988's Alien Nation.

Beauty and Fangs

My vampire women are classic beauties and possibly unlike the ones you're used to seeing in the movies. These are a personal conjecture of the perfect beauty; elegant looks, athletic figure, tasteful appearance and big fangs. Women such as Grace Kelly; one of the classic movie queens from the 1950's is a perfect example. As you can see most beautiful actresses don't get the opportunity to appear in fangs so if there's one I particularly admire I turn her into one. Fortunately, there's been a decent and consistent improvement in the number of vampire movies featuring pretty ladies with fangs over the last 20 years, beginning around the mid-1980's right up to today with some great model-actress-vampires. With any luck this trend will continue.