Female Vampires

Ruminations on ladies with fangs.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

MILF Vampirella

There's a scene described on the DVD commentary track of Talisa Soto's tour de force movie Vampirella that made me feel both disdain and pity for her. "First of all," you may ask, "why the fuck are you listening to the commentary track of Vampirella, anyway?" Valid question. And I don't have a good answer except to say Vampirella was my first pubescent crush. But more on that another time. Anyway, the scene was filmed in the art deco-like bowels of Hoover dam (!?!) and the director was describing why Talisa was obviously limping as she ran ever so delicately in her vinyl dominatrix boots over the highly polished concrete flooring. Evidently, the poor woman severely twisted her ankle doing one of the stunts and the director described her as being a trooper and continuing on with what was the exciting finale of the film. Bullshit. I think she was so desperate to end the abject humiliation of (what was even for her) a wretched nadir of movie-making that she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, lick her wounds and salvage the last shreds of dignity her career could muster. But damn! did she look sexy.

Her career started out promising enough as a hot little model and she switched to film in 1988, beginning with some reputable films. But then about the time she turned 30 it all began to go wrong and she starred in Mortal Kombat, then Vampirella and sadly...predictably, Mortal Kombat2. But then in 2002 she somehow (unbelievably!) got onto the cover of Vanity Fair magazine which in the vapid hoity-toity set is like getting blessed by the pope. "Great," I thought, "another pump of air for this artificially inflated ego to absorb." But what the fuck do I know about Hollywood - this is the same industry that made Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage stars...but I digress.

Back to the movie. Except for the absence of lesbian vampire sex (a complaint I have about almost every film ever made, including Citizen Kane) Vampirella was an awesome vampire flick. The star actress (that would be Talisa) was a blood-sucking, fang-baring, ass-kicking beauty. She wore a ridiculously absurd, atrocious and skimpy costume that showed off her tits real nice. And although it was not the costume released in the original publicity shots, nor worn by the original comic Vampirella it was probably effective in deflating that aforementioned ego just a little bit more. The movie also had some gratuitous vampire nudity (the vampire-kind always being the best) and what may be a first; a fang-baring former Playboy centerfold. If anyone has information or pictures of other vampire playmates, I'm listening.

Her careening career aside, Talisa looked absolutely beautiful. There was one great fang-baring image of her after another in the film. She has an amazing body, beautiful red eyes and in one of my favorite scenes (according to the commentary, I think it was shot in a Holiday Inn) she looks truly stunning in a simple black frock. I don't want to discourage Talisa too much. In fact, major props to her for donning the fangs in the first place. She looked great in that lame (aren't they all?) James Bond flick and even though she looks a little wan in the cheek she's still at that milf-ish stage. C'mon Talisa, put on those claw-nails and bare those fangs for us one more time!

1 Comments:

At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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