Female Vampires

Ruminations on ladies with fangs.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Model Behavior: Josie Maran

Josie Maran Bares Her FangsFashion models come with an expiration date. For the lucky ones it's usually around 30 years and for the exceptional few (i.e., those blessed genetic anomolies known as supermodels) it seems to be somewhere around 35, but science just doesn't know for sure. The smart ones - yes, there are a few- know their adoring public will eventually turn on them like sour milk and begin to sow the seeds of a second career early-on. For example. when she's not annoyingly reminding us that she's into yoga, the goddess Christy Turlington is busy schilling her yoga clothing line and flexing her womb with babies. Another mom, ditz and former Sports Illustrated supernatural Kathy Ireland is trying to do something for busy moms although I can't quite figure out what that actually is.

Some mannequins like Rebecca Romijn (who made a damn fine looking mutant in X-Men) and the elegant Bridget Moynahan simply chose acting and haven't yet played vampires. And luckily for us Josie Maran is among the handful of legitimate models (including Angie Everhart, Rebecca Gayheart and Monica Bellucci) who have not only successfully transitioned to movies but wore the Fangs too. Except for the tragic exception of Monica Bellucci, these beautiful ladies were graced with fine sets of vamp-teeth. (Monica's fangs were not only woefully ignored on film but they weren't even canines; a weirdly unappealing attribute.) Angie had 4 fine fangs while Rebecca's were glorious and grandly sized.

In the summer 2004 film "Van Helsing",Josie's fangs were magically extensible on-demand (I love that!) and in my humble opinion trumped the female lead in the looks department (the awesome Kate Beckinsale, who's no stranger herself to a set of choppers.) It's not every woman who can transform herself into a pasty, claw-footed, emaciated bat-winged flying hellcat and still inspire me to sleep with her, but Josie did it. Her performance was masterful and I'm not sure she even said a word. As one of of Dracula's three brides, Josie leads a terrorizing flyover above a medieval town. She gets shot with arrows, giggles a bit, grows those fangs, gives a nice view of her tits and when she's finally impaled against a building her angelic face begs you to have sympathy for her. And you will, 'cause she's a Sports Illustrated model and a vampiress! There's rumor of a "Van Helsing II" so maybe she'll have the opportunity to return and this time make good use of her assets.

And speaking of Kate Beckinsale; I understand she's slated to film another instance of "Underworld" with a different director whom this time may even supply her with a better set of fangs, a more varied wardrobe and maybe even some decent lighting. Unfortunately, her superior English diction was favored in lieu of a believably pointy set of teeth...besides, we never get to see her bare them so much as even use them. What a waste of a great opportunity! What better box office than Beckinsale sucking the neck (and maybe other things) of some other starlet? Like so many vampires movies that never live up to their potential I had a lot of problems with "Underworld". But more on that another time...

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